just visiting this sight is comforting.  i am just writing to get out some emotion.  some lonely feelings.  there are two people i have loved deeply in my 22 years of being alive.  friends who have died.  debts.  parents hospitalized.  work as always.  right now there is so much work that i can't even visit my friends properly... i feel like i don't even have a base of friends now.  college is no cup of tea.  evevn when life isn't at its low points, it can seem just incredibly... hard.  it makes me laugh a bit.  
 
i think everyone gets a bit lonely when work is slow.  i mean real work.  not like the 2 page essay you had to write.  but meetings upon meetings, and planning events, and scheduling lectures, and caring for residents, and applying for grad schools, and all the other fucking commitments that i forget about in the middle of it all.  I just feel drained and always behind.  it seems so American...
 
at the same time i know so many other people who seem to have it so well.  no worries. no responsibilites.  i want to smack them sometimes!  
 
this is how it goes though. you work or you get bored.  i cant seem to find the middle ground between being overworking myself and boredom...  i am constantly overworked and somehow behind... not too behind. just enough to not enjoy a break.   lame
 
what else do i want to get out
 
ok.  i am fucking frustrated about girls.  i only seem to attract girls who live really far away.  its stupid
 
i feel trapped in wanting a girlfriend but not getting attatched... how cliche is all of this seriously! :)
 
uhhhhh.  im afraid of a lot of shit.  like my thoughts and feelings. its funny.  
 
sometimes i think i can really make a difference in the world. then i get distracted and log onto a website like this.... and beat myself up for not being able to get it all done..
 

i love my mom.  i miss my dad and my friends back home.  i feel sorry for myself. i i i i i i love being alive. i love how hard life can be. i love that this website exists. i wonder what happens when we die.  i have a feeling its not all that different from being alive, and by that i mean nothng like being alive.  I am so fucking afraid that the republicans are going to steal another election.. by steal i mean STEAL and fuck up the future forever AGAIN
 
I am angry, sad, lonely, in love, tired, excited, all at the same time
 

im just alive... and why is it any more complex than that
 
its just life
 
life, and we can make something of it
 
so i am going to get off this and back on to my project
 
if you ever feel alone... remember. we all feel alone at times... that means were no longer alone... but experiencing life in all its potential