So everything just kinda seems to suck right now and I don't know how to deal with it. I just want everything to go away. I'm in my second year of college and absolutely hate it again. I hate coming here so much. Roommate is a total toolbag which doesn't help. Plus I work 3/4 days Mon-Thurs while I'm here. Along with homework... that gives me just about no time to do anything. Oh and I go home (an hour away) Friday's after class to work til close. And I work Saturday and Sunday too. Plus, I get to finish up some more homework. And even if I wanted to do something with my friends... I can't. Why? They are all having fun at their college. ANd you know how people say you tend to drift away from your friends when you go to different colleges... well it kinda feels that way. I barely see my best friends, and if I do, it's like for a few hours one day on the weekend. If I were to ever lose my friends, it'd have to do with this year. I have no idea what I'd do with myself if I didn't have them. So not only is that going on in my head, but of course I have to have a girl problem. I swear we're like the same person. I work with her and we've become really close. She's helped me through my breakup a while ago, I've helped her with her's. We talk just about every day. I always find myself making time just for her. Hoping she'll talk to me, hoping we'll be working together... just so I can see her. I'm drawn to her. She's perfect for me. I'm afraid we've become to close of friends though. And I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to just bring it up and tell her that I like her and tell her that I don't want to mess anything up between us and that if she doesn't feel that same way, we'll just forget about it. But the other half is thinking that if this ends up blowing up in my face, things might get awkward between us. And that is the last thing I want to happen. Somedays I feel like she might like me, somedays I question it, I think I'm just scared to bring it up with her. I really wouldn't want to lose her over this. What I have with her now is like nothing I've had before. I can talk to her about anything and everything. I really just wish we could have a shot at it. Just like a test run or something. I really think we'd be perfect for eachother. Ughhh I just wish she could know all of this.. everything that has been going through my head. I'd give anything to just be happy again and it seems she's the only one that can do that.
 
I just have so much going on and I wish I could put everything on pause. I don't want to have to deal with anything. I don't want to go to school. I want to be home, I want my friends back. I want HER. I'd give almost anything to have something good happen to me. =/