8
Sins
(3 month 2 week ago)
Category: Sins

bulimia
I've struggled with bulimia, binge eating, and anorexia for the past five years. When I'm starving, I love my eating disorder. I love seeing my body shrink. But the pain is unbearable. My body is weak. I pass out. My skin gets bad. I feel dirty and ugly. But I'm getting thinner, so it's all okay. And once I've reached a certain weight, I often start eating again. Not just an apple, but Easy Mac, chicken tenders, fudge, and other unhealthy foods. It's a vicious cycle. And whenever I'm binging, I dream about the next time I'll starve myself to lose the weight again. Even though it's painful, I'm in control when I'm not eating. And I like that. I need it.
(6 month 2 week ago)

nigga wtf
(6 month 1 week ago)

You are not alone in this.
 
I do the same thing.
 
You and I both know that we aren't "in control" when we are starving.  Nothing about this cycle is "in control".  We feel in control because we are overcoming our desire to eat.
 
But we aren't in control.  We are as out of control as ever.  Still as helpless to this crazy disorder as ever.
 
We feel good because we aren't eating.  We feel bad because we are eating.
 
I understand.
(3 month ago)

Focus on eating with other people. If you have social pressures around you, you'll be less likely to binge. Let a friend know that you have this problem and have them watch you. If you have exogenous controls, and some belief in yourself, you should be able to condition yourself. Also, look up foods that taste good, but are low fat.
(3 month ago)

Big girls you are beautiful!
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